I apologize
by Kyla
No. Really. I apologize.
I apologize to anyone who was in the library yesterday between, say, 2 and 6 pm. I apologize to the people at Subway. I apologize to my neighbours. Really. I apologize.
Let me start by saying that I knew my pants were ripped. Really. I did. I ripped them the other day at Piper’s. It was a small little hole in the bum, and I wasn’t too worried about it, because I was wearing another pair of pants underneath them, it being cold at Piper’s and all. So yesterday when I put on my dangerous black cords I made sure to once again put on a pair of pants underneath them, grey leggings even.
Then I went to my Mum’s house and changed her sheets and did some laundry and hoisted a few boxes around.
“It’s too bad your pants are ripped,” my mother said. I’m not going to lie, I was a little surprised she noticed, me having just made a little snag there in the seat at Piper’s.
“Yeah,” I said, and I carried on my day, failing to recognize the ominous implications of her comment.
My day included spending about four hours in the university library. The printer wasn’t working, so much of those four hours, I’m not going to lie, involved me huffing between my computer and various printing stations, strolling back and forth across the library in varying degrees of irritation.
When I got home after picking up a late dinner for my family at Subway, my youngest daughter said, “there’s a hole in your pants.”
“I know,” I told her. “That’s why I am wearing another pair of pants underneath.”
“Those are pants?” she asked. “It looks like you’re wearing men’s underwear.”
I did a double-take. I did a double-take of my own butt, where it became clear that what may have been a little hole at Piper’s was now the entire seat ripped out of my cords. And those grey leggings underneath? Yeah… they did look like I was wandering around with my boyfriend’s underwear hanging out.
Dear people in the library: I assure you those were trousers and not my boyfriend’s underwear. He doesn’t let me wear his underwear. In public.
Really. He doesn’t. They were trousers.
I’ve been taking kind of the smug road up until now in my life. You know. I judge all of you people who are in the library and a) kiss your girlfriend/boyfriend/both b) talk on the phone c) listen to music so loud I have to listen to it, too d) play Bejeweled Blitz when all the computers are full and I am desperate for a computer so I can print off a paper three minutes before it’s due. But I confess that walking around with a gaping hole in my pants probably qualifies as a new low for inappropriate library/Subway behaviour.
I apologize, but do stay tuned for my next trick, when I actually do wear my boyfriend’s underwear out in public. Let’s face it, at this point, I’ve as good as nearly done it.
Thanks for the laugh, Kyla! Next time you wear your bf’s undies why not sport your rainbow slippers too?
Oh, I haven’t blessed VIU with those slippers in a looooong time! It might be time to start wearing them again. Certianly something to consider for graduation apparel.
oh do it! I haven’t heard mention of the rainbow slippers in forever!
I think I heart you, Kyla. You always make my day π Sorry I missed it!
Aw, thanks! If I ever rip the ass out of another pair of pants in public, I’ll make sure to call you. Bring a camera.
freakin’ hilarious!!!!!!!! at least the pants underneath weren’t flesh colored. π
I think everyone in the library is grateful for that, yes.
hilarious!
you know how to make people laugh.
good thing I wasn’t avail for a visit cause you would have missed out on this opportunity and of course work!
We will definitely get together soon!
Bwahahahaha! This makes me feel so much better! I ripped my pants on the car door the other day, and knew right away due to the draft. I was thankfully at home, but my son has been constantly reminding me everywhere we go! π Thanks for making my evening Kyla!
Oh man. Well, in class this a.m. my buddy kindly pointed out to me that my *new* pants have a small hole in the thigh. New to me, I should make clear. Not, apparently, new enough.
Once again I find myself laughing, at your expense. Thank you my dear and oh so transparent friend. Wow, the word transparent seems too fitting here, π You have the funniest stories and you have such a brilliant way of telling the story in a way that makes us all feel like we were there in the library with you or right behind you in the Subway lineup. lol. π
I wish you had been behind me, too. You could have been, like, a buffer to the outside world.
Soo funny! You crack me up Kyla!
Thanks!
Really, who cares what someone is wearing! Kyla seems to think the whole world watches her! Get over yourself!
“Kyla seems to think the whole world watches her.”
Do I?
Now, if you’d said “Kyla seems to hope the whole world watches her” I would undoubtedly have to agree.